Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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