I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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