Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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