According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize