After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
