meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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