Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
