You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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