my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
