Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize