Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
