shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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