remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
