as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
