she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
