listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
