i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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