After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
