I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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