My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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