Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
