Betty ford says i'm here all night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
