you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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