Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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