No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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