fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
