Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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