There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
