all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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