East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
