My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
