I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
