I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
