if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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