Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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