she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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