The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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