it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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