He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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