Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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