Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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