...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
