We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
