Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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