I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
