i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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