dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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