I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
