so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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