I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize