She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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