I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just cropdusted the office
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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