i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
