does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
