She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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