the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
