Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
