there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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