My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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