it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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