Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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