I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
