Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
