so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize