kristin has been a bad kristin
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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