HIV tests are more positive than that guy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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