I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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