Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
