Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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