I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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