i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
