I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
