We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize