..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
