we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
