I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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