How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize