He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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