Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
