Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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