he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm at about main and main street
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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