he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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